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Relationships and Lupus

Posted on June 06, 2019



Relationships and Lupus

Life with lupus can put a strain on existing relationships and make it challenging to pursue new ones. Members of MyLupusTeam share the ups and downs of dating, relationships, and marriage while living with lupus.

Dating

Some members on MyLupusTeam are hesitant to date because of previous negative experiences. “I've had a lot of dates say extremely insensitive things about my lupus. It has been so soul-crushing at times that I didn't want to date at all,” one member wrote.

Others find the physical and emotional energy required to date too much at times. Another member commented, “If we are feeling hurt all the time it is hard to have the emotional availability and disposition to date or be noticed as a potential date.”

While many members have shared dating challenges, it’s not a universal experience: “No one has been turned off from the fact that I have lupus. I try my hardest to keep pushing and not let it stop me from anything. So far, it’s been working.”

Another member finds success in dating people who are familiar with chronic illness or disability: “I date other people with disabilities. My other half right now has colitis, psoriasis, and anxiety.”

Helping Partners Understand

For those who have partners, it can be challenging for them to fully understand lupus, even if they are trying their best to be supportive.

One member shared, “My current boyfriend is super supportive and tries to help whenever possible, but he still has those moments when he doesn't understand why I'm so tired and how I can stay in bed for so long.”

“My boyfriend is often in disbelief that I could be so young facing lupus and diabetes,” another member wrote.

Disbelief or denial is common among partners just learning about lupus. “I think hubbies and boyfriends are too afraid to come to terms with what the future will be like,” a member commented.

Members on MyLupusTeam recommend bringing partners to doctors’ appointments and support groups to help them gain a better understanding of lupus.

Lupus for the Long Haul

It is possible to enjoy loving and supportive relationships even if there are challenges along the way. “My husband always said it could have been him that had lupus and not me,” a member married for 45 years shared. “I think our love grew more during the years I was really sick because we knew each day was important for us and our two children.”

Some members have found new love after being rejected by a previous partner for having lupus. “My ex-husband told me he didn't want to be with a sick person,” one member wrote. “After he was gone, I wasn't sure I could take that kind of rejection again. I was just giving up when I met my husband.” She’s faced difficult flares throughout their marriage, but “12 years later, he's still walking up to the bathroom door and asking ‘Are you ok in there Chickie?’”

The member married for 45 years offered this advice to those looking for love: “You will know who is right for you if you told him that you can be in bed for days or in the hospital and he doesn't run the other way.”

Finding Support

What’s most important is finding a support system, whether from a partner, family members, friends, or other people with lupus. Members on MyLupusTeam are there for each other. Whether you’re single or partnered, as one member said, “You always have your team here to help in any way we can.”

On MyLupusTeam, the social network and online support group for those living with Lupus, members talk about a range of personal experiences and struggles. Relationships are one of the most discussed topics.


Here are some question-and-answer threads about relationships:


Here are some conversations about relationships:

 

How has lupus impacted your romantic relationships? Share your experiences in the comments below or directly on MyLupusTeam.

 

 

 

A MyLupusTeam Member said:

We will be celebrating our 49th Anniversary in November. I was diagnosed in 2018 and have lived with these symptoms for 20 - 30 years. Now I have a name for them. I’m 70 and things have just gotten… read more

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